Charity shop delusions and pushups

I love charity shops. I find them endlessly therapeutic. Normal stores have an edge to them - a loud, gritty, in your face, hurryupandbuy edge. The banging tunes. The flourescent lights.

The speed at which I see women fly from rail to rail, scanning like a terminator for the perfect jeans. I always feel a little inadequate, flushed, rushed and spent after a half hour in River Island.

But charity shops are full of old ladies and crusties.

There is something soothing about meandering around a musty store full of old ladies. The lights are normal. There is no music. There are rails and rails of crap. Mostly crap. And then, you stumble on a beacon of light, glinting at you from the middle of a rail of 'Atmosphere' ball-ey cardigans and stretched out jumpers with boob humps built in from the last (well endowed) owner. A gem of designer loveliness. This is akin to winning the charity shop lottery. You work hard for it. You search endlessly. And then - there it is. The McQueen top (€45 in Lucy loves Frances). The Rocha dress and the Burberry skirt (€3 in Siopa Eiles charity fundraiser). The Moschino jeans (€10 in Debra on Aungier St). The DVF wrap dress (€5 in Women's Aid). HALLELUJAH. Jesus is real. Suddenly your prayers are answered. And then it washes over you, like a warm haze of the draw of a pure grass spliff. The charity shop delusion.  And we live in a utopian future where size does not exist. I have a large range of designer charity shop buys in size 6-16. I'll lose the weight. I'll get it taken in. I'll CHANGE. I CAN CHANGE FOR THIS ITEM OF CLOTHING. THIS WILL BECOME MY REASON FOR LIVING.

I had a pretty bad case of the charity shop delusion when I bought the Moschino jeans. These cost anything up to €400-500 to buy new. This is basically like being handed €500 (I explain to my OH... his eyes glazing over).

They are too small. I buy them. I dont try them on till I get home. When I do, they barely button. Mounds of fat spill over in a muffin top extravaganza. They sit in my wardrobe. The delusion begins to drain away.

This morning, I was feeling adventurous and decided I needed to ditch the circus tents. I reached into my wardrobe and the first thing I put my hand to are the Moschino jeans. I try them on.

THEY FIT.
I practically freak out. I barge into the bathroom where OH is in the shower and dance about in my jeans. He is happy for me... but clearly wants me (and now the two dogs who are also dancing in the bathroom) to let him finish his shower.

This is a happy day.

In other news... I can do a push up. Actually, I can do 40 push ups. I could probably do 50. I did 40 push ups last night at training with my trainer and buddy Chris. The first night I went to his place to train he asked me to do a push up. I obviously couldnt. He asked me to do a modified (girl) push up. I tried one. I barely made it through. I cannot believe how much stronger Ive gotten in only 2 short months of training. One amazing part of training with Chris is he coaches you through the mental block, which is really the main thing you need to break through. Doing a plank for 30 seconds sounded like the impossible. When I tried it, I failed at 20 seconds (giving 110%, or so I thought). Doing a plank with Chris, I did 45 seconds. I probably could have made it to a minute.

Now for those fitness bunnies this probably seems like the smallest victory in the world. But for me it is motivation beyond belief. Seeing real changes, breaking through mental barriers, and getting stronger is the greatest reward in the world.

Obviously that, and fitting into The Jeans.

Update and current training/diet routine and some tuna salad

My blog has been sporadic recently, because things have been pretty busy and Ive been trying to fit in a hectic work schedule around all the rest of the stuff I want to do, like have a life that isnt work and exercise. So I thought I'd post a little update on how things have been going on the whole fitness front and how things have changed, which is pretty dramatically.

Its hard to believe that only six short weeks ago I started out on this journey by texting my friend Chris who is now my trainer asking him to coach me, and saying "I honestly dont believe I can actually shed a single pound". Magical thinking gone bananas. I had lost so much faith in myself and my confidence was so through the floor, that seriously, without a hint of exaggeration, I did not believe that it was within the realms of possibility for me to change my body. CRAZY PERSON BEHAVIOUR.

I started out small - I changed my diet and I began to exercise. I began by doing 15-20 mins of strength training per day, 6 days per week as per my trainers programme. I also cycled to work every day. At first... nothing happened. The nothing that happened was HUGE. A giant ball of nothing happening steamrolled over my motivation every single day, leaving me flat and uninspired like a puddle of piss on a plate. But then something happened. I lost an inch. I measured my middle bit - the most vast of the Michelin man folds, and ONE INCH OF THEM WAS GONE. That is this much.

That is something. That is not nothing. The nothing that was happening turned into something. Something small, but something none the less. I got stronger and more motivated with every single change, however slight. Soon, another inch was gone, then another, then another. With every step I take towards another inch, I get more and more motivated.

This motivation has helped me to expand my routine so that every day I'm pushing myself harder than the last - and this expansion is, in turn, giving me more results. But you have to expand SLOWLY. Or Scumbag Brain will know something is up and decide its WAY too hard and there is no point, and sure isnt there a new episode of Ru Pauls Drag Race there that would go LOVELY with a bottle of Merlot and a slab of chocolate. I wrote a while back that fat is a ninja, that it creeps up on you and ends up all over you before you realise wtf is happening. Now, I am using this tactic back on fat. Im creeping up on it. SCUMBAG BRAIN DOESNT EVEN KNOW I'M HERE, whittling away bit by bit.
So I thought I'd share my current routine with you and then at the end, an awesome recipe for tuna salad.

My daily routine (6 days per week with 1 rest day, cardio only)

7am 20 mins fasted cardio using Zcut Power Cardio (this will actually KILL you, its incredibly intense, but quite addictive and over before you know it. She's got a YouTube Channel too if you wanted to check her stuff out before splurging on DVDs).
7.20am Yoga cool down
7.35am 30 min power walk with the dogs
8.05am 30 min cycle to work
6.30pm 30 min power walk with the dogs (only every second day)
7pm 20 minute main workout, currently focussed on core work, push ups, squats, kettlebells but the exercises change from week to week, so next week it could be a lot of legs or upper body.

I'm having 6 meals a day on average, 1-2 are protein shakes post workout. I havent been hungry in 100 years and I dont crave sweet shit anymore... when I do I just have a smoothie with some extra fruit or a banana and that usually works ok.

Oh fuck you, Scumbag Brain

However, even though I'm stockpiling protein, my body has been craving fish. Ive been a vegetarian for 20 years, with a brief falling off the wagon from 1997-2000 and hopping back on again after a mushroom-induced reminder as to why I dont want to eat animal flesh. Ive always been incredibly staunch about animal rights, and was vegan for a long time. I try to eat a primarily vegan diet, but recently have been eating eggs on the weekend, greek yoghurt and, astonishingly, fish. I started craving fish about 12 months ago, and gave into the craving about 6 months ago and boy does my body feel all the better for it. When I do have a craving for fish, I just listen to my body and give it some fucking fish. I had to wrestle a lot with my conscience to come to terms with that, but after a while I just needed what my body needed. I had a mad craving for tuna today, so I made this sexual tuna salad and put it in a toasted pitta. Its absolutely creamy a decadent and fantastic. 

Avocado Tuna Salad from Tablespoon

1 large avocado, pitted 
juice of 1/2 lemon
1 Tbsp greek yoghurt
1 medium can tuna
1/2 red onion, chopped finely1/2 celery stalks, chopped finely1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 tsp salt1/8 tsp pepper 

Mash the avocado in a bowl, then add the lemon and yoghurt, mix, then add all the other ingredients. Simples! It looks gross but it tastes amazing, so I didnt even bother taking a photo, but here's an image from the site. You could also have this as a dip on celery sticks if you dont want to have any carbs, or you could go full retard with a sandwich (SHOCKER). <3 Enjoy. X

Protein pancakes FTW

One of my ultimate favourite treat breakfasts was to make 'reece's pancakes' - a mix of nutella and peanut butter wrapped in a pancake.... ugghhhhh. So amazing. But also, so calories. On pancake Tuesday I was inspired to make protein pancakes, and Ive discovered that I can almost perfectly replicate my beloved reeces pancakes but with a massively healthy makeover. Ive had them both days this weekend for breakfast before working out. Today I made them American style, and yesterday I made crepes (just add baking soda for fluffy, smaller pancakes you can stack).There are lots of protein pancake recipes out there, you can experiment to find your own personal favourite. You can switch out the spelt flour for oatmeal but I just didnt have any porridge at home.

So here's the recipe, hope you make them and love them as much as I did!!! If you care about calories, these have ~200cals per serving.

Protein pancakes FTW

Ingredients:

1/2 cup choclate coconut milk (you can just use almond milk, but this is available in Nourish/health food store)

1.5 scoops vanilla/chocolate protein powder

1/2 small banana

2 tbsp spelt flour or oatmeal

1 tbsp cinnamon 

1 tsp vanilla essence

2 egg whites/whole eggs

1 pinch nutmeg

1 pinch salt

Coconut oil for frying

At this point you can add chai seeds, flaxseeds etc but this can make them a little mealy and less smooth.
Mix all the ingredients together in a blender, and fry using coconut oil for 2-3 mins before flipping.

Crepes

Top with almond butter, maple syrup, blueberries, bananas and a dollop of greek yoghurt for an epic, healthy breakfast of champions.

American style

Having your ass handed to you. By yourself.

Sorrynotsorry. I am handing myself my own ass quite a bit recently and its started to become a worrying schizoid pattern of self-regulation... but the good kind.

My big struggle at the moment is patience, and trusting the process of gradual weight loss and fitness. I am really trying to silence the four year old within who wants to be able to wear my nice dress AND eat icecream NOW. I know there are small improvements, but it feels INCREDIBLY SLOW. And I want it to go faster, and fast forward to when I can get dressed, look in the mirror and not cringe. Last night I was about to bail on going out because I tried on a million things and felt horrible in everything. But then I handed myself my ass and sucked it up.

Here's a really embarrassing fact about me. I like Tony Robbins. If you don't know who Tony Robbins is (and you have seen this episode of Family Guy and didnt get the reference), he's a giant, hulking American life coach who has written countless endlessly cheesily and cheerily titled books (Awaken the Giant Within! The Body You DESERVE, etc). I love the cheesiest of cheesy self help books, but Tony in particular just freaks my mind. His no nonsense, shouty, GET IT DONE,  'you are the one in control here' attitude really helped me shift focus when Ive struggled with body image, weight, anxiety and a whole bunch of other issues. I obviously respond well to shouting. Although I don't subscribe to a lot of his theories - the ones that do resonate are amazing. I'm sure you will find him obnoxious. But if you're curious, have a look here and here. I realise this revelation will make a large percentage of people judge me and I don't actually care because I love Tony Robbins and I'm not afraid to say it. Just look at those teeth. I'd vote for this man.

One thing I learned from Tony (I call him Tony. We're buddies.) is that when you are scared of accepting something (like 'I need to lose weight' or 'my clothes don't fit'), the best thing you can do is shine a big light on it and look hard. And realise and accept that you have a problem or something needs to change. That's really the simplest way to solve any big, messy hairy problem. By staring it straight in the face and saying "I SEE YOU YOU HORRIBLE ICKY PRICK! I'M GOING TO CHANGE YOU!". Last night, this took the form of "PUT YOUR FUCKING JEANS ON AND GET OUT THE FUCKING DOOR AND STOP BEING A WHINEY, SELF OBSESSED, ANXIOUS OVER NOTHING ASSHOLE. I DONT WANT TO BE THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE."

So as an update on what my current plan looks like... I'm cycling to and from work every day (30 mins each way), working out 6 days per week for about 30 mins a day (my core huuuurts), training with Chris every week and Bellydancing with Kadri every Saturday with practice during the week. I've been busting my gut (literally and metaphorically) with a high protein, low carb clean diet. This has been surprisingly the easiest bit. I have been cheating with a little dairy over the last week (a little cheese in a salad, or greek yoghurt - but its the exception and will not kill me). Aside from that I have stuck rigidly to the plan Ive been given.

I thought I'd share a recipe with you for a very simple stir fry which is so quick and easy to make. It is full of protein and iron and calcium and all the good stuff.  I'm also obsessing about broccoli at the moment. Its so super full of nutrients. And its really good to eat raw. Its FULL of calcium (21g per 100g), a source of protein, and full of vitamin C, A and other phytonutrients.

Ive been eating this incredible salad from Listons when I'm too lazy to pre-prepare my lunch and it is amazing - its a mix of broccoli and hazelnut (you cant really see it here), puy lentils, carrot and poppy seed, tomato and basil, and tuna salad.

So the broccoli stir fry uses either quorn chicken or quorn steak strips. Its absolutely gorgeous and so easy to make, it takes about 15 mins max including prep time. Switch out the quorn for chicken or beef steak if that floats your boat. 

Broccoli & Quorn stir fry

Ingredients:
1 head broccoli
250g quorn strips (fry these until almost cooked in advance)
1 handful of shredded fresh spinach leaves
1 red onion
1-2 red chilis
1-2 tbsp GOG paste (Garlic-onion-ginger paste available from any Asian food store, its DIVINE - otherwise you can chop your own garlic and ginger like a sucker, use as much as you like)
1 punnet cherry tomatoes
1 handful of flat leaf parsley or fresh coriander (optional)
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp of coriander seeds
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
1tbsp coconut oil (for frying)

1. Chop the onion, chillis and cherry tomatoes finely or as finely as you'd like in a stir fry. I'm a chop-it-up-small kind of person
2. Break the broccoli florets up to your desired size, I go pretty small. Don't chop off the stems too much, they're really packed with nutrients and its a waste.
3. Toss the onion, GOG, chili, broccoli, all the dried spice, soy sauce and quorn/meat (pre-cooked) into a hot pan with the coconut oil and stir fry for about 2 mins
4. Add the tomatoes and cook for a further 2 mins
5. Add the spinach and herbs at the end, toss in sesame oil and serve.

I'm not having noodles at the moment but my OH has a nest of buckwheat noodles with this. Its YUMMMM. Eat the motherfucking broccoli.

For the love of chocolate shakes

I used to be obsessed with chocolate shakes. My friend Jessica got me hooked on them back in college, and Snackbox in Galway had the best chocolate shake going in the late 90s which became a bit if a habit every time we met, we'd have to go get a chocolate shake. Then we'd go hang in her house and pretend it was the early 90s and that Kurt had never died. Once we were incredibly stoned in Jessica's house on Sligo, and forced our friend Colin to drive about 10 miles to get us chocolate shakes to his disgust. We were incredibly unhappy and deeply unimpressed when he returned with shitty fucking strawberry shakes... so much so that we tried to make them chocolate by adding chocolate sauce. Please note that the addition of chocolate sauce does not transform a shitty strawberry shake into a mighty chocolate one.

Anyway this isn't quite a chocolate shake from Snackbox, but seriously this tastes like the second best chocolate shake I've ever had. I'm having it today as a recovery drink after a long walk and some intense Kettlebells after which I am fucked.

I'd love to hear what other people have as recovery drinks as this is all kinda new to me, even when I weight trained before I never did the protein shake thing...

Delicious shake with bonus background dog

Ingredients:1 scoop chocolate protein powder
1 Cup almond milk
2 tbsp almond butter (substitute any nut butter here)
1 banana (I used a frozen banana to make it all cold and icecreamy)

Blend that baby and drink!

How to usurp Scumbag Brain.

Aside from all my other neuroses, I have some sort of weird deprivation complex. I am always a little bit afraid that I might be hungry. I have a thing where I have to finish everything on the plate. If someone offers me food, I never really say no. I hate quitting things, in case I miss them or need them down the line. I HATE the feeling of being deprived of something and if I am, I obsess over it. Scumbag Brain is my brain, all the fucking time. And I know a lot of people have to work hard to overcome Scumbag Brain in order to lose weight or maintain any kind of fitness regime. So I thought I'd do a post about how to kill off Scumbag Brain who is trying to sabotage you.

So in my weight loss and fitness journey, I have had to trick my brain into believing that I am not depriving myself of anything in order to make myself believe that everything is ok and its not a famine (I did the same when I was smoking and tapered off so gradually, Scumbag Brain didnt even notice). Back many moons ago when I was in college, I had a horrible relationship with food, and lets just say I plain old stopped eating for a while. I wont go into the details, but it was a very hard couple of years. By my third year I managed to sort myself out and began eating properly and taking care of myself, but I really screwed up my metabolism. I also developed a fear of being hungry from having a long time when I was, literally, starving. So in January, when I decided I needed to change my eating habits and start exercising, I had to do some mental acrobatics and confuse my little reptilian brain into not being scared off by the process, and not to be sabotaging me all over the place as per ususal.

The first mentality I had to get into was 'I am not depriving myself of anything'. This really, really helps to keep me on the straight and narrow. I can eat like a bird for a week but then I fall off the wagon and have a pizza, and Scumbag Brain will tell me Ive failed and there's no point in trying anymore.

The second thing I did was give myself permission to quit quitting things, so Scumbag Brain wouldn't notice anything was the matter. I decided I would get to losing weight by adding things to my life, and not quitting anything. Nothing was out of bounds.

I thought I'd share some of the things Ive 'added' to my life instead of quitting. This means that when it comes to the time of day where you'd crave chocolate, youve just had a banana smoothie and a huge lunch, and you dont really want the chocolate. Or youve just worked out for an hour and you look at a glass of wine thinking - I am choosing not to have this as it will undo all my hard work. My new motto is - no quitting - and that just adding good stuff to any diet and lifestyle will lead to ultimately making much better choices.

A list of things I've added to my life in order to quit quitting and usurp Scumbag Brain
1. Eat little and often between, then eat three good sized meals with plenty of protein and veg, and fewer carbs than normal (but compensating with extra protein and veg)
2. Add loads of vegetables to every meal. Silly amounts. Have a normal portion of your stir fry, chilli or whatever, then roast a load of sweet potato or peppers or broccoli and eat that alongside it until you're stupidly stuffed. Scumbag Brain doesnt really know the difference if youre binging on pizza or on vegetables...

3. Add exercise - even as little as 15-30 mins per day - and you'll find yourself not wanting to undo your hard work and taking more care of eating clean.
4. Add water - drink shit tons of water all day, you'll feel way fuller and it'll help keep your metabolism on track.

5. If you have a sweet tooth, use maple syrup or agave. Maple syrup is gorgeous and full of B vitamins, its much healthier than those artificial sweeteners which are poisonous if you ask me...
6. Drink green smoothies. If you don't have a high speed blender, you mightn't like to blend your own smoothies with spinach or kale, so add a green powder like spirulina, green barley, blue-green algae etc to some orange juice, bananas and berries. Greens will alkalize your body, give you a fantastic protein kick, and fill you up. They're a great way of shoe-horning in your 5-a-day if you don't like eating fruit and veg. Also, if you're doing strength training, replace your water in your protein shake with a green drink and get way more nutrition into your body.

7. Eat nuts. Nuts are filling, packed with protein and an amazing pre or post workout snack. If you dont like eating whole nuts, have nut butter. Eating nuts and nut butters before and after working out mean you wont have a massive sugar crash when you're done, and the protein helps with muscle recovery too.
8. Never leave the house without a banana. Because bananas are amazing and incredibly filling and perfect for making Scumbag Brain think youve just had something sugary.
9. Ive waxed lyrical about them on the blog before, but any time I feel even the slightest hunger pang, once I know I'm hydrated I eat an oat cake with hummus, salsa, almond butter or any other spread/dip.

And finally...

10. Ok I lied. I have given something up. I have given up listening to Scumbag Brain. Every time I hear a Scumbag Brain internal voice, I call it a scumbag and move on. This means no more beating myself up about being fat. No more feeling weak or telling myself I can't do it. I've also given up monitoring my weight loss so closely, instead giving myself kudos and a pat on the back every day for showing up to work out and for eating well. I'm starting to notice my body change, but more importantly, I have been noticing my mind change much more quickly... I'm happier. And at the end of the day, who gives a shit what you look like when you are healthy, strong and happy. And my brain isn't *quite* as much of a scumbag these days.

Frozen m*^&%rf*&^$ng bananas

Ive been a bit out of commission recently because Ive had one of those fucking awful viruses everyone has thia time of year.

Because my stomach wasnt feeling great, my usual breakfast smoothie of kale and spinach and fruit sounded a bit *barf* to me. And so I decided to try something Ive been meaning to try for ages. I froze some bananas. Ive read on lots of evangelical raw food blogs that frozen bananas are basically ice cream. These are from the people that think nutritional yeast flakes can adequately replace cheese. These people are not to be trusted.

But today I decided to make a nut and banana smoothie to see what all the 'frozen bananas are necter of the Gods' stuff is all about.
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT THEY ARE CORRECT.
This is absolutely hands down one of the nicest, most desert-like smoothies Ive ever had. Next time Im not going to bother with the almond milk and just go straight in there for some ice cream-y banana soft serve.

First off - chop your bananas and pop them in a ziplock bag in the freezer overnight or for a couple of hours.

Ingredients:
Frozen bananas (1-2)
1 large tablespoon of almond butter
1 glass of almond milk
1 tsp vanilla (optional)
1 tbsp chia seeds

Put all this into a food processor, whizz and then enjoy. You can omit the almond milk or use cows or soy milk. Also, if youre bodybuilding or using this as a recovery drink, I bet you chocolate protein powder would bring this baby to a new level of awesome.

Here's some more recipes for one-ingredient ice-cream using frozen bananas.

A little update: Ive lost a couple more inches and Im feeling strong as hell compared to when I started. I have teeny biceps now. My diet has been largely in check and Ive been eating completely clean, and vegan except for cheat meals and the ocassional poached egg with breakfast. I started kettlebell training which is serious business in terms of being fucking hard at first. I cant say enough good things about having a personal trainer to work with for motivation, for pushing yourself beyond where you think your limits are, and for trying new things. Speaking of which, Ive signed up to a 10 week bellydancing course with my friend Stacey who is one of the most amazing bellydancers ever. I'm really nervous and hoping no one will actually need to *see* my belly in class... but I'm excited too. I love to dance but Ive never had the courage to take a full class.

Onwards and upwards, kids.