Yogalife.

When I was 21 I walked into my first yoga class. I didnt have a clue what to expect, and wasnt able to get into most of the poses. The teacher, however, was so inspiring, and infectiously enthusiastic for the benefits of yoga, I came back. I shook and shuddered and whimpered my way through thousands of downward dogs until I mastered many of the more complex poses. I was eagerly striving to be able to do all the yoga poses, especially the advanced ones. I had lots of ego wrapped up in striving for this mastery - wanting to be the best, wanting to impress my teacher, wanting to rock the shit out of it. But more recently, my yoga practice has become less about trying to master and more about just going with what feels comfortable. And this is a precise mirror of how I am now trying to approach my life.

When I graduated from University with a Masters, I was determined to get a really great job. Something that sounded important and made me lots of money. A couple of jobs later, and I wanted more qualifications. More letters after my name plz. I began a PHD and spent 3 years striving to master this. After 3 years chasing someone else's dream (trying to be what my family and what I thought society expected of me), I unceremoniously quit. Quitting was incredibly powerful and cathartic, and since then, I have become less and less seduced by mastery and more and more about what feels good and right for me in the moment. I had a realisation that no one really gives a fuck what youre doing, so long as youre happy (not even your grandparents who proudly gush about their grandchildren's PHDs, high flying executive jobs, etc). No one who loves you wants you to be unhappy to prove a point.

While I was on holidays, I googled 'yoga teacher training Ireland' for possibly the 100th time. I found the school Ive looked at time and again. I searched my emails for the contact address. In the past 10 years, I have emailed this school 7 times asking about their next course. Each time, I told myself it was a luxury I couldnt afford, and I needed to focus on my career.

Now I'm 33, and I have been in several great and some not-so-great jobs. Some have sounded fantastic on paper. None have been fulfilling. None have been working towards my passion. I began to ask myself, what is the point of striving to be better and better in a field where you really couldnt give a shit? Sure, I can be good at my job, but who cares if it doesnt make you happy?

Yesterday I made a financial plan with my beautiful and ever-supportive other half, and this week I'll be enrolling to train as a yoga teacher in September. I'm taking another couple of courses along with this and in a years time hope to be out of my desk job and working for myself 100%. I cant wait to finally give myself permission to begin this journey I have been waiting to take for ten years. I'm writing this here because my blog has been a fantastic way for me to hold myself accountable for my dreams and goals. And I'm writing this to make sure my life never becomes about trying to master for the sake of mastery, but rather keeps focus on what is comfortable, what is good, and what I love to do. Fuck the desk job.

Post holiday blitz, and what I learned while drinking my own bodyweight in wine and eating cheese and pasta

One week ago I came back from holidays in Portugal, where I stuffed my face like a complete pig and let everything all hang out. I went to the gym 4 times to keep myself fit and not drop all my motivation but aside from that, it was diet out the window. I spent the entire week reading, and read a couple of fitness and health books that have been really inspiring and have helped me have a much better awareness of the science behind the kind of workouts Ive been doing (weight training and body-building, less cardio). 

One thing I learned while I was over there eating 100% carbs (damn vegetarian food on holidays is all carbs and fruit!) was that carbs make me feel AWFUL. White pasta, pizza, breads etc - all make me really ill. I felt sick, tired, lethargic and sometimes anxious after eating. Also I drank lots of wine which I had been avoiding and this made me feel hideous altogether. I loved my holiday but I could NOT wait to get back to my proper diet and get something green into my belly.

One of the books I read while I was away was The 4 hour body by Timothy Ferris. Timothy is a life- and body-hacker and multi millionaire from silicone valley, and has worked all his life to refine body building and optimum health and nutrition for a low body fat and high muscle density physique which is what I'm trying to cultivate. The book goes into extreme detail on diet, supplements and training regimes. He's much more focussed on the diet though, and the more I work out, the more I know that my diet counts so much more than anything else. Even though I'm pretty sceptical about these kinds of 'diets', as what he advocates is so close to what I'm already doing, I'm going to do his diet for 30 days and let you know how I get on. Today is day 1.

Ferriss's Slow-Carb Diet

Ferris reckons you can lose 20 pounds in 30 days without exercise, by introducing what he calls a "slow-carb" diet. I'm always allergic to anything that promises a quick-fix, but the rules are are simple, intuitive, and tried and tested (see the 4 hour body forums), and worth a try. 

Here's what you have to cut out: white bread, white rice, potatoes, and other white carbs, whole grains and steel-cut oats, all fruit and dairy (except cottage cheese). This will be a challenge for me as I have porridge most days for breakfast :( I dont think I'll be sticking rigidly to the diet beyond a couple of weeks, by I'm going to try as much as possible to stick to it initially and test the theory.

He also suggests eating the same small meals over and over and over again.

He allows two glasses of red wine each night (preferably a dry Pinot Noir, Cabernet Sauvignon, or Merlot). “Red wine is by no means required for this diet to work, but it’s 100% allowed (unlike white wines and beer, both which should be avoided).” Lucky for me as I love red wine, but have been limiting my intake seriously over the last while, and doubt I'll be having two glasses a night....

Finally he allows for one full binge day per week, where you break all the rules and have what you like, but you use supplements, food (like cinnamon) and exercise to keep your blood sugar regular and ensure your body doesnt store the binge food as fat. This is explained in detail in the book and is fascinating science so I'm going to try it.

Other stuff in the 4 hour body

Another thing I'm going to take from the book is the use of supplements, which I havent used before. He recommends the use of a fat-burning stack called PAGG. PAGG is a combo of 4 different supplements, taken in a combination at particular doses: Policosanol, Alpha-Lipoic Acid, Green Tea Extract and Garlic. All these simply increase your body's ability to burn fat. If youre interested in finding out more about the science behind this, just google PAGG stack. I'll also be supplementing with Magnesium. 

He also advocates something that I'm going to try but am not happy about: cold showers. He talks in detail about how plummeting temperatures can significantly help with fat burning. But really I am just excited about the challenge of cold showers, because I'm a cold creature and always tend to have boiling hot showers and HATE the cold. It'll be good for my mind to overcome the discomfort, so Im happy to try this without the fat loss benefits.... well, happy is a strong word... :)

Day 1:

Breakfast: Poached eggs with roasted tomato
Lunch: Giant salad with lentils and chickpeas
Dinner: Taco salad and roasted sweet potato chips
Snacks: Nuts

This salad is my life

Chop: red onion, tomato, avocado, chilli, garlic

Shred: spinach and flat leaf parsley

Process: 6-7 florets of broccoli until the texture of cous cous

Add: puy lentils, chickpeas, cayenne pepper and cumin

Dress: with udos oil and the juice of one lemon, lots of pepper and  a pinch of salt

Mix and eat. 

YUM.

Taco salad and bikinis

I'm going on holidays on Sunday - and I think I might bring a bikini. The thing is, I'm in my early 30s and I still have never worn a bikini. In my whole life. Primarily this is because I never went on a sun holiday until I travelled around Oz, and by the time I got to the good weather (I arrived in Perth in winter, which is a slightly less shitty Galway-in-spring-style weather) I had already consumed VAST VAST quantities of boxed wine and stubbies. I was in NO shape for a bikini. My first ever proper sun holiday I had the fear so no bikini was packed. My last sun holiday was January, and I was MAHOOSIVE and honestly, could not fit into my one piece let alone a bikini.

Now I must be realistic here. I'm still in no shape to be in a bikini. I am not ripped. I have not got a flat stomach. I have rolls and flab and squishiness that I know will be highly unflattering. But the fuck-off-fairy is here, and I've decided to bite the bullet and buy one. I need to fulfil this life long ambition. Ive worked my arse off and eaten clean since January. I'm rewarding myself with not giving a fuck and wearing a motherfucking bikini.

In terms of my itsy bitsy VERY EFFING SLOW progress, Ive been consistently working out with my trainer and at home, and doing a butt-load of yoga every single day which I'm loving. My friend Claire teacher hot yoga in a new studio in Stoneybatter and Ive been popping along there to sweat it out. I'm nearing my goal weight which is fantastic, but even so, my goal feels kinda miles away. But while I'm on this path and Ive gotten almost to where I want to be, I may as well keep going. I have new goals too now: to be able to do 5 x pull ups, to get to 25 push ups in one go, to learn to bench some serious weight, to get a little bit ripped. Now that I'm this far along the path of getting strong, I'd love to see how far I can push myself and what I can achieve. BEASTMODE.

In other news I made a faboosh taco salad last night and thought I'd share the recipe with you.

Taco mix:
1 tin refried beans or red kidney beans
1 bag quorn mince
1 onion
1 pepper
1/2 tin sweetcorn
1 tbsp cumin
1 tbsp coriander
1 tbsp paprika
1/2 tbsp cayenne pepper
1 red chilli or 1/2 tbsp chilli powder
1 tbsp hot sauce
1-2 tbsp tomato paste
4-5 cloves garlic (reduce according to your taste!)
Lime juice x 1 lime
Fresh coriander
Sweet potato (with paprika, garlic, lime juice and olive oil to serve)
Sliced avocado
Low fat yoghurt

1. Fry the onions, add the garlic, peppers and sweetcorn and fry until soft
2. Add the quorn mince and fry for 2-3 mins
3. Add the rest of the ingredients, stirring all the time, and add 1/2 cup water
4. Simmer for 20-30 mins. While simmering, slice sweet potatoes into chips. Take 1/2 the chips and slice them into strips (like in a taco salad). Pop them in a bowl and add 1 tbsp paprika, minced garlic or garlic powder, and olive oil. Mix them up and bake in a hot oven for 10-15 mins, turning mid-way. Add lime juice 2-3 mins before theyre done.
5. Add fresh lime juice and fresh coriander to the taco mix, and serve with the sweet potato strips on top, chips on the side, some yoghurt and sliced avocado. Oh and some salsa. YOM.

Cauliflower rice is actually amazing - THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

For the last few months I've been (in the evenings) carb and (all the time except for cheats) dairy free, which meant I've been relying a lot on curries and other Asian dishes which normally have rice with them. There is something so satisfying about rice despite how utterly bland it is. I have been desperate for a no-carb alternative to rice, and kissed a few mealy, wormy, disgusting rice substitute frogs along the way. Then I discovered cauliflower rice.
HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. 

First of all, unlike rice which is a big fat empty carby will turn to sugar nothing food, cauliflower is VERY good for you. After citrus fruits, cauliflower is your next best natural source of vitamin C. It's massively anti-inflammatory. Cauliflower is also packed with fibre, folic acid, and potassium contents. Cauliflower is like winning the antioxidant and phytonutrient lottery. Some studies have shown it to be cancer-fighting. Its an all-round good guy.

So here's how to make cauliflower rice. Step 1: put a head of cauliflower into a food processor and whizz. Step 2: put into microwavable dish and steam in the microwave for 7 minutes. Step 3: Add anything you like. Thats it. It is so ridiculously simple. I added salt, pepper, Udo's oil and lemon juice. My OH suggested pilau rice mix would be nice to add to it as well, which I'll try when we're eating Indian food next! You can fry it too if you're feeling saucy. And if you're feeling VEE saucy, throw a load of sharp cheddar on top of it and pop it in the oven OHGOD.

I'm incorporating cauliflower into my diet more by having cauliflower rice, and I'm going to try this recipe as a side, this recipe next because it looks decadent and amazing (but probably a cheat night meal...) and this recipe sans the lamb because OMGYOM.

I thought I'd share the recipe for a super simple dish I had last night and has been a regular staple in our meal rotation for years. I adapted the recipe from one on BBC by Bill Granger, the smug, self satisfied, Aussie c**t. That guy and his aryan children and perfect Sydney middle class life can go to hell.

Could you get any more smug Bill Granger with your perfect kitchen.

I'll share what I used to have with it before I was going carb-less too - pitta chips. They're LOVELY. My OH made a tzatziki to go with this which was gorgeous!

Chickpea and tomato chilli

Ingredients

• 2 tbsp coconut oil
• 1 red onion, finely sliced
• 3 garlic cloves, finely sliced
• 2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger - or use Garlic and Ginger paste from the Asian supermarket - an amazing time saver!
• 1 or 2 green chillies, to taste, seeded and finely chopped
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 2 X 400g/14oz tins of chickpeas, drained
• 80ml/2¾fl oz water
• 1 tsp cumin / 1 tsp corriander / 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp turmeric
• freshly ground black pepper
• 500g/17½oz cherry tomatoes
• 2 tbsp tomato paste or puree 
• 100g/3½oz baby English spinach leaves

To serve

• plain yoghurt or tzatziki
• pitta bread
• olive oil
• salt and freshly ground black pepper
• paprika - LOADS
• Cauliflower rice

Preparation method

1. Heat a large deep frying pan over a medium to high heat.
2. Add the oil, onion, garlic, ginger, chillies and salt and cook for five minutes (or until the onions are soft) being careful to stir regularly.
3. Add the chickpeas, 80ml/2¾fl oz water, cumin, turmeric and pepper and cook for five minutes or until the water evaporates.
4. Add the tomatoes and tomato puree and cook for another ten-fifteen minutes to soften, adding more water if it dries out.
5. Remove from the heat and check for seasoning.
6. Stir through the spinach and top with yoghurt/tzatziki.
7. To make the pitta crisps, cut the pitta bread into triangley bits and drizzle with olive oil, salt, pepper and paprika.
8. Bake in a moderate oven for 10-12 minutes or until crisp.

Aside from my new love affair with cauliflower, all else is going ok. My journey towards having a flat stomach (the ultimate goal!!!) is slow and plodding. I'm impatient and my resolve gets tested. But every day I show up to the mat. I push a bit harder than the day before. I add a little more movement into my day. I try new exercises and things to do to keep active. I exercise for at least 1-2 hours per day. I strictly eat according to my diet except for 2 cheat meals per week which I am LIVING FOR HUNTY. 

Sometimes I find the impatience is overwhelming and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere, so my trainer Chris told me to take progress photos (this was after a nasty bout of PMS and a run-in with a scales). Progress photos are ugly pictures you take of yourself in your knickers in front of a mirror so you can see, like PHYSICALLY SEE, the changes to your body over time. This has been helpful because when I think nothing is happening and life is a mess and I may as well have a wheel of cheese, I look back to the first photo I took and realise that I have changed. And slowly, slowly catchy monkey. And all that noise. (now fast forward to skinny plz.)

My diet and workout regime... all work and no play makes me something something...

A few people were asking me to post my current diet and workout regime so this might be a bit of a boring post unless you are on a health kick as well. My biggest vices are delicious white carbs and red wine. I havent given up wine altogether but I'm drinking sweet FA at the moment. Refer to my previous post about my scumbag brain that I have to trick into thinking that I'm not giving up anything... so I tend to have really small amounts of both (barely worth having!) just so it doesnt kick up a stink about feeling deprived and then go on a binge.

I had to keep a food diary for my trainer so he can review where I am at right now, so I thought I could share it with you. I'm working pretty hard physically at the moment so a little treat on my 'cheat meals' is fine, but otherwise, my diet looks like this:

Breakfast: Green blended drink (kale, spinach, apple, lemon, hemp protein, chai seeds, cucumber, celery)
10 am: Porridge with almond butter, almond milk and maple syrup or green scrambled eggs (eggs with hemp protein powder) and roasted tomatoes or poached egg on spelt toast
Lunch: Large salad with carrot, brocoli, tuna, tomato, hazelnuts or leftovers from dinner the night before (small amount of carbs here usually)
6pm: Coconut milk and whey protein powder shake
Dinner: Yesterday was falafel with tabouleh, tonight is a light yellow curry with no potato and no rice

I'm on less than 10% carbs at the moment, probably more like 5%. I'm off dairy at the moment too which is not really a problem as I was vegan for years so would eat a largely vegan diet normally anyway. When I have a cheat meal, all I want is ONE GIANT CARB. I had Indian the other night and has a giant masala dosa, which is a potato curry pancake. Practically a carb inside a carb. COVERED in yoghurt. I was in heaven. My other cheat meals usually HAVE to involve cheese. OMGCHEESE.

In terms of working out, I'm doing a mix of low intensity duration cardio and HIIT.

I cycle for over 1 hour a day, I power walk the dogs for 30 mins - 1hr. I have been doing 20-30 mins HIIT with either Zuzka Lite or Jillian Michaels using her 30 day shred programme which is HARD AS HELL! Jillian is a power lesbian who screams at you, I happen to quite enjoy this...

Then in the evening I have usually a 30 min weight protocol (I'm on a three day split at the moment meaning I do a different workout every day for three days and then start at workout one again on day four). I do this six days per week.

I cool down with 20 mins yoga. Ive been occasionally going to hot yoga classes when I have time, and doing Bellydance classes for 2 hours per week as an extra.

When I get to my goal weight and I'm just in maintenance mode, I'll be able to increase carbs and re-introduce dairy. I'll probably be able to reduce the intensity of the workouts as well - probably doing HIIT 3 days a week instead of 4-5, etc. I cant wait!

I've got quite a way to go from here, at the moment I'm desperately trying to trust the process, keep my chin up, and work hard. I've lost 5 inches from my hips and waist so I'm pretty happy that I am progressing and it is actually working, even though lots of days I just feel like flinging myself on the ground and going to sleep.

Because I clearly hate myself and want myself to be in pain (I'm blaming Jillian Michaels) I really want to run Hell and Back this summer - if anyone has read this far I'm assuming you have some level of interest in fitness and might be up for doing it with me? I'll definitely need a companion... to dig me out of the mud when I go for a nap... face down.....

Hot m%+¿~¥f%'€¥¢ing yoga

It began with my very lovely and fabulous friend Claire saying casually to me that she was teaching at a yoga studio in Dublin, and was taking a yoga class herself there the next day, and would I like to come along. I jumped at the chance of joining a class where I knew and trusted the teacher, and so I bounded along like a springtime bunny to meet her after work. I started yoga 14 years ago - FOURTEEN. Man I'm old. The first ever yoga class I took was with a fabulous South African guru-style teacher who lived on a planet of his own and was a friend of mine at the time. Myself and my cousin Shane went along to his class and spent most of it pissing ourselves laughing at his banter which was largely focussed on how we can all abandon psychadelics because yoga was going to bring us to such crazy places in our minds, man. He was off the hook hilarious. We'd all go for a feed of pints afterwards (this ended up being the main attraction of yoga - the pints after). I practiced daily even after our guru moved away (He's now teaching T'ai Chi in Thailand and, I'd bet, eating mushies for breakfast), and kept up the practice on and off since then. I always come back to yoga, its my happy place. I started out in Ashtanga, a vigorous form of yoga that is pretty challenging compared to some of the more chilled out, meditative forms. For me, I dont really want to ever sit and watch my breath - it doesnt suit me. I wrestled with meditation my whole life and I just cant do it. But I can when I'm doing yoga. I distract myself from myself, which after many years reading many spiritual books and meditation guides, is the very essence of meditation in a nutshell. I tried a few other forms but today, I was about to attend a Bikram studio for the first time. The class was a Vinyassa flow which is the toughest workout you can get in yoga - but in a hot room like Bikram (40 degrees Celsius). As I had so much experience in yoga, I thought I'd be grand. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I arrived and rented a towel and a mat, already in my yoga gear having changed before leaving work. (This is an important detail). Claire set up my mat behind her and I followed her tentatively into the studio. The first thing that hits you is the wall of heat. Its like when you step out of a plane to a tropical climate - the air is thick and stifling and wet. I sat on my mat and eyeballed the door. There were approx 3 rows of mats between me and the door. People would notice if I tried to escape. The class was going to be 90 mins long, I had been in the room approx 3 minutes and I thought I might puke from the heat. I had no fucking clue how I was going to last and started to predict what would happen. I'mgoingtofaint. I'mgoingtovomit. I'mgoingtorunoutoftheroomscreaming. Clairewillneverbeallowedteachinthistownagainanditwillbemyfault.Panic was setting in. I dont do well in the heat, I told myself. Why am I here. Oh God.

A stunning, lithe woman took her place at the front of the class and greeted us. She said hi to the couple of newbies in particular (there were about 3). There were about 30 people at the class. I stood at the top of my mat and willed myself not to fall over, as she had just outed me as a newbie. And it began - no messing around, no warming up, just straight in there. Suddenly I was upside down. My vision started getting weird. Time began to expand and contract wildly. It all went a bit fear and loathing as I wondered 'how long have I been here? will this ever end?'. The teacher paced through the moves quickly - with no rest and no bullshit. I began to sweat.

I dont tend to sweat that much. Even with mega-cardio, I'll get a little bit sweaty if I'm killing it - but rarely. I'm a very un-sweaty person. This is genuinely the most I have ever sweated in my life. At one point the teacher said "this isnt going to last forever". I did not believe her.

About half way through the class, something completely fucked up happened. I was wrestling with myself the entire time wondering if I was going to die, panicking about needing water, trying not to pass out, sweating. Then, it happened. I was in downward dog, with a RIVER of sweat ACTUALLY FLOWING OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD. I have never seen this much sweat coming from anyone. And it hit me. I'm doing it. I thought I couldnt. I was afraid I would die. I was terrified. But I did it anyway. And now... I think... I was enjoying it! I sweated and pushed my was through the rest of the class, inelegantly twisting and contorting (as opposed to my friend Claire who is a true yogi, glistening gently and pretzeling into the most unimaginable positions (with a smile)... The class came to a close and I was SATURATED... like I'd been caught in a monsoon. My hair was stuck to my face, my clothes were drenched. I lay down on the mat and realised I had nothing with me to change into. Fuck. I stuck with the last few moments of breathing and the teacher opened the door. The breeze was 9 million kittens licking my face with their little sandpapery tongues. I was in heaven. I felt really proud that I hadnt panicked and ran away. Not only that - I was feeling amazing - light, refreshed, in a great mood - and ready for the next class. I was IN my body for the first time in a long time, and it felt incredible.

Next time I opted for a Bikram class and I enjoyed it a lot too - it was a lot less intense and in fact I think I enjoyed the intensity of the previous class. Bikram is more a test of endurance in the poses - you have to stick them out - whereas Vinyassa is more focussed on moving through the poses. I felt the teacher was a little less sympathetic in that class - she pointed me out a couple of times for not going fully enough into the poses despite me gesturing to her (in front of about 30 people) that I had an Achilles injury which stops me sometimes from going too deep into the poses or doing one leg poses as fully or for as long as I'd like. That was kind of off-putting and embarrassing - think they need to work on calling people out in class - but aside from that the workout itself was fantastic.

I've been 3 times and am definitely going again this week, for hot vinyassa flow this time. I cant recommend hot yoga enough if you really want to push yourself, if only for the absolute buzz you get afterwards... but just remember to bring a change of clothes......

http://www.inityoga.ie/